bjork~

"niki and I at the underground railroad to candyland"

niki and I at the underground railroad to candyland
Originally uploaded by cuttyj

the master and his pabst...that's right--a cutty named j...you never know just where he might show up~                                                                                                             

breakcreepfast

breakcreepfast
Originally uploaded by cuttyj

toys that kill and underground railroad to candyland -- here are members priming for battle! you must see...you just must~

"I WAS A SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER!!"

yep...

PRIMA DONNA--(these guys are famous!)

you just may not know it yet...

my best friend

my best buddy, scooby doo, died yesterday: he was an 11-year-old american eskimo in fine health. he traveled shotgun with me when i made the drive from baltimore to los angeles this july; he was definitely the leader of our little traveling circus between the cat, myself and him. light and smiling, nobody could resist wanting to snuggle up to him.  even with his early passing, these last years were his best --  he had two owners prior to me.                     

before i moved out west, i'd been going to eastern animal hospital (EAH) in baltimore, maryland, for 18 years because the people who run that hospital are some of the greatest people i know; right there on the edge of town...on the edge of east charm city--                  

none of us knew at the time of my trip to california that a cancerous tumor was growing inside of scooby's spleen and that it would burst this past sunday and that i would have to rush put him to the vet monday to have him put down before he suffered --         

this spleen cancer is a horrible cancer; there's no way of knowing it's there until it' too late; it happens with no warning,  and there is no cure or reasonable treatment--                          

however, many years earlier, prior to the discovery of scooby's killer tumor, EAH dr. estelle ward, phoned me with an interesting, yet circuitous question which sounded something like, 'how i would i like to take home a 2-year-old beautiful dog that's too be to cute to be euthanized.' the dog, sky, had been hit by a car and the owner didn't want to pay for the surgery; they wanted to put sky down.           

after i agreed to take sky home, i subsequently change his name to scooby (which was controversial yet, as a purest, stricly based on the cartoon character, not those dumb ass movies)                                 

so, on his day off, EAH owner dr. jonathan kaufmann, came in to the hospital to perform the $2500 leg reconstruction surgery on scooby for $0 and in so doing gave me the privilege of sharing my life with that sweet dog for the next nine years...you couldn't not love him

                                                                                  

to everyone at eastern animal hospital; thank you for always treating him like a king.              

and to jonathan and estelle, thanks for yesterday even so late into the night~                                                                                 

i love you scoob...(i hate cancer; you motherfucker!!)

changes...

it just takes one fucking foot in front of the other~                                  

NEW USE FOR THE OL' DILDO...

prima donna lead singer/guitarist kevin tyler preston uses his, (dildo that is), as an accessory for his guitar; it's his slide -- and it definitely does...slide                                   

you gotta check out this sparkly, sexy, tuneful band~

dillon and drew (and gino)

the hannah family from catonsville, maryland, are some of the most creatively inspired people i know -- i'd often joke that coming to their house to teach their youngest son dillon guitar was like entering a magical portal where imagination ruled...                                                        

above is a link to a crazy little video 11-year-old dillon and his friend drew made one day when they were bored --  just click on their names...                                                                                                                          

it took about 800 digital photos (and one day) to make the short and this was their first try! also, dillon's 18-year-old brother gino did the soundtrack; i believe that was a first try as well~                                     

EARTHQUAKE!!

they say there hasn't been an earthquake round these here parts of california in nigh on 14 years--hmm...

well, at least i'm no longer a virgin~                                                            

yea!

--for a little more freedom--

(of speech, that is...i thought they were both going down)

"FCC reaches deal to approve XM-Sirius merger" the wall street journal~                                                                                                         

THE BOYS FROM CATONSVILLE

right now there are four teenage boys sleeping on the floor of my new home in los angeles...(and one of them really snores!) -- they strolled in last night at about 1 a.m. on this, the last leg of their cross-country drive from catonsville, maryland to santa barbara, california...                                                              

without eating, drinking or even peeing, these four old neighbors of mine hit the wooden floor of this 1907 cottage with an array of blankets and pillows and, bam, they were out...they're still out (and my cat keeps walking in between their splayed bodies)                         

i can't make a move without waking all of them; that's how small this place is...i'm trapped, trapped like a rat i tells ya, in my own house! WAKE UP!!~                                                                                             

"HOLLYWOOD TRASH!"

that's what some weirdo guy screamed at me

from his car yesterday--

i haven't even been here a week!

(i kinda took it as a compliment~)                                                               

bye for now~

m.g.w. poolside...

the beauty of words...

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MOLLY'S WAITING AT THE ROXY FOR THE TUBS!

molly with some random guy outside the troubadour in february

at this very moment molly and 400 other fans are waiting outside the roxy in l.a. for tonight's all-ages show of the foxboro hot tubs -- she's number 3 in line along with her very kind dad--and they've been in line since 8 p.m. last night...as the correspondent on the scene, she's readying her phone to send me photos from the front line~

here they are:

the line as of 1:19 pst

apparently one of these fine fans was on american idol

molly and her dad chris!!

UPDATES AS THEY HAPPEN....stay tuned~

KINGS OF BROKEN BOUNDARIES...THE FOXBORO HOT TUBS LIVE!!

TIME...LAPSE

(it's organic, baby)

(all photos borrowed from http://www.foxborohottubs.com/photos/ )

(if it pisses anyone off...i'll take them right down! promise~)

THE REVEREND STRYCHNINE TWITCH

                                (got it? good~)                                                                                      

 

LONG BEACH, CA...

losangels-407.jpg
Originally uploaded by cuttyj

cuttyj, esq. and me at babe's warehouse -- i believe this was taken with cutty's camera by shanty cheryl

rock on with your pabst cutty!

(this guy is like an olympic skier with a camera--he slaloms through musicians while they play their set without disturbing a thing or causing the band to miss a beat~)                                                                                        

CROCKETT, CA, REDUX

i spent all day last friday in line with some of the cool people of crockett, california, waiting to see the foxboro hot tubs at toot's bar later that night--

first of all, crockett/rodeo is hometown to green day/hot tubs' frontman billie joe armstrong--

so a word about crockett...

walking around, i stopped to have a great sandwich at deli around the corner, use the facilities in a cool bar called the tac (i think) where i met some funny guys drinking their pabst and then i just strolled down the lanes--

it was pretty...from toot's bar you had a view of a lush green foothill dotted with faraway homes

some hot tub line-waiters knew billie joe from school, others grew up with him...some didn't know him as well as they liked, others knew him well; like stacy...

stacy, a carol leifer look-alike, lost a nipple to breast cancer and told me that billie joe had hooked her up with a tattoo artist to fill in the area--she kept her money in that little spot during the show! (at least i'm hopin' she's knows him fairly well...)

stacy please -- i need the photo after you get inked!

and how could i forget nicole...she may have been 5'5' but she could kick some serious ass...

anywayzzzz...it was interesting to put myself in their shoes for a moment--

for, as stiffy, whose family came to crockett from mexico over 100 years, said, 'we come here [toot's] every night to drink and now we have to pay to get in, it's just weird! but i've got my seat at the bar all picked out, i've been eyein' it up this week...'

ah, the perks of being an insider...

thanks guys~                                                                             

SHANTY CHERYL

cheryl's photo of pinhead gunpowder in april's spin magazine

cheryl groff is a world-class photographer and sweet human being...

thank you cheryl~

love, niki                                                                                   

BLOOD SEX AND BOOZE IN CROCKETT, CALIFORNIA!!

my vantage point [not photo] from stage right

HOLY SHIT is all i can say!

billie joe armstrong's small, tucked away hometown was invaded by an army of whacked out green day fans friday, may 16.

it all went down at toot's tavern on 2nd ave. in crockett -- THE FOXBORO HOT TUBS!!! LIVE

the show was meant to be a party for the band's friends and family -- but, they allowed maybe 100 or so fans in...and there were plenty more who waited all day and didn't make the cut

by mid-day, 2nd ave. in crockett turned into a full-on street festival with larry the hot dog guy, garrett the spray gun guy, orange-doored port-a-potties, skateboarders, and all sorts of chemicals and liquids!

i used the port-a-potty and all i could think was 'god i hope there isn't an earthquake right now, that would suck'

details of the show are a bit hazy because I ALMOST PUKED TWICE during it while trying to stay alive in the midst of complete chaos -- fight or flight -- people were hanging from the walls and ceiling like fucking spiderman in an effort to avoid the outrageous crush and heat of the crowd in that small bar that had no air-conditioning and no ventilation...

every so often, some one in the position of "authority" would get on stage and plead with the crowd, "everybody you've got to relax or the cops are going to shut us down." (did billie go care? no...every time someone would calm the crowd down he wound them up all over again...beautiful!)

(shit, it's sunday afternoon and i still haven't showered--the show went until 1 a.m., i got to my hotel at 2 a.m. and i left for my flight home at 6 a.m. -- no time!

today i will shower i promise...first, lest you think i've completely lost it--i was already in long beach, california, when i found out about the foxboro shows up north--i just extended my stay thank you very much...)

here's a list of some of the night's highlights to tempt your curiousity:

1. toot's bar, it's employees, security and the people of crockett rule!

2. the opening acts: outstanding-- the cobras --http://www.clipser.com/watch_video/174708 were so sexy and loveable and mommies friend, with billie joe's older brother on drums, rocked hard and wet...http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=22366407

3. a woman in a wheelchair made it to the front of the pit with her mom -- when she had to get out, her mom backed her out as the whole crowd chanted: 'BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...'

4. a cop got punched in the face (all of crockett's finest were out on their a.t.v.'s and tan uniforms--like 20 cops--(toot's made the right call on that one -- we are the waiting started unraveling around 5 p.m. and doors didn't open until 8)

5. a large woman ran panicking from the pit during the show, arms flailing screaming "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY -- I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE -- GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

6. leanne, a sweet girl from ireland, started fainting; eyes rolling in the back of her head...i threw her in front of the massive fan cooling the band and then got stuck behind it -- a great view, but i had to hold onto to the window on my right and behind me and the wall and the speaker on my left to keep from getting killed -- and when i did try to sit down, i ended up in a pool of water on top of the fan's electrical cord...zap!

BUT LET'S GET DOWN TO IT:

THE FOXBORO HOT TUBS ROCKED THEIR FUCKING SWEATY ASSES OFF UNTIL BILLIE JOE MADE A PERFECT BACKWARDS SWAN DIVE INTO THE CROWD;

BODY LIMP, SURFING THE LOVE UNTIL BACK ON STAGE, IN A FRENZIED FIT, ROLLED & WRITHED & BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT --PANTS LOW, ASS EXPOSED...

(told you i had a good view)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GREEN DAY, I MEAN HOT TUBS~
niki lee

p.s. to number 1; melissa, and number 3; adam and cat and mary and those two wonderful irish girls, and larry (who found my car key!) and carrie and sharif and anyone i forgot--HI! and what about...TAMMY!! (the woman and the pen~)                                                              

EVERYBODY LET'S GET NAKED!!!

...screamed billie joe armstrong last night midway through the sweat-saturated set of the fabulous foxboro hot tubs in their first live performance, ever!

oh it was a happening baby...

looking like a tricked out pimp from the 70's glam era and in excellent voice, billie joe strutted onstage with his buddies tre cool, mike dirnt, jason white, jason freese and kevin preston, a smiling, rocking guitar wonder in an elegent black suit and skinny red tie...

-- it all went down at the stork club in oakland, california, last night --

if you're confused at this point and don't know who the hot tubs are or what i'm talking about at all, do your research...

oh all right, i'll tell you: THEY'RE GREEN DAY YOU DUMB FUCKS!

barring blood, sex and booze, a network tune and a couple other covers, it was all hot tubs! and they fucking rocked even if i couldn't see them and even if it was 5000 degrees...

5000 degrees in the oakland, california, shade yesterday as we the fans sweated it out under so many black umbrellas it looked more like a funeral than a punk rock show.

and by the way, a shout out to the security at the venue, especially tom: YOU SUCK

(pardon me but it was true)

anywayzzz -- with his teased out, frosted blond hair, white sunglasses and fur collared duster, the most prominent thing missing from billie joe armstrong was his guitar--all night long!

it didn't matter--

guitar or no, billie joe is a star...i'll put it to you the way it was put to me by a giggly 21 year-old kirsten dunst look-alike:

"if billie joe ever dies i'll turn lesbian because he's everything i think a man should be."

IF I COULD HAVE JUST SEEN MIKE AND TRE FOR MORE THAN A SECOND OR TWO it might have been that much better...when i did catch a glimpse tre was decked out in an elegant gold suit jacket and shorts and mike in a white dinner jacket over a tight-fitting black vested outfit with thick rimmed, skinny black deiter-like glasses...

long live green day!
see you in crockett~                                                                 

a rose by any other name...

"i wanted to change my name to adolf hitler but i got in trouble."

a 10-year-old kid told me that last night...he had a sandy blond mohawk and was lighting little paper smiley faces on fire--

"do you believe in what hitler believed?" i queried.

the hostess, who was standing next to me, reminded me that i was talking to a child.

"hey, i'm not the one who said i wanted to change my name to hitler~"                                                                       

pinhead gunpowder -- the secrets...

"wait, i know who you are. yeah, you're the woman that wrote that story that we linked to all of our friends! hey guys, it's that lady that wrote the story about green day."

that was my official greeting as i entered chain reaction, a club in anaheim, california, on sunday, february 3, 2008 to see pinhead gunpowder, toys that kill and this is my fist...

mind you, i'd traveled 3,000 miles to see billie joe armstrong and his close friends play together in their band pinhead gunpowder...this may seem excessive, but you've got to grab the moment and these people don't play out often, plus it's fucking history...

so this woman, mary, she comes over to me and starts looking me over as we stood in the middle of the venue before the show--

"i know you," she said. "i think i know you."

"i don't know, i'm from maryland so i don't see how you could know me...i've been to a lot of green day shows though," I replied figuring she was probably a fan.

that's when she looked right through me, grabbed my arms and shouted the above first sentence...she knew me all right

time for a back up: in the fall of 2004 i flipped out over american idiot and followed green day around the world when i was 45-46 -- i wrote a story called seize the green day and the wonderful fan site, the green day authority, asked if they could post it on their site

of course i said yes

i haven't seen any green day fans since i wrote that story in 2006...i had no idea that people would know who i was -- and let me tell you: as a first-timer it is freaky, good...but freaky--

a couple of fans have asked me to write about the adventures i had following phgp up and down california...

i'm so flattered -- here goes:

wait

i'm not sure how to start...

should i start with the woman who hated green day so much that she scratched my face and tried pulling my hair out or with guitar player from an opening act who almost KO'd me out when he, inadvertantly, hit me in the head with his guitar?

hmmm~                                                                                     

PINHEAD GUNPOWDER REDUX

i've had requests as a singer, but never as a writer--now that's changed

requests have just been pouring in for stories about my pinhead gunpowder experiences...

well, um, ok...why not -- i'll start tomorrow --

thanks guys~

niki                                                                                            

i just love this one

dark side of night...

love it

-------------------------------------

Bleeding me though my heart is dry

This knife is a symbol dark side of night

Killer's on the run with a halo of lies

Raising the hell within us as the angels fly

There's a rain tonight falling from the sky

There's a liar's moon tonight--

Dark side of night

The secret chasm, hole in my heart

Fire's raging on us burning like a scar

Made of flesh and blood

My soul's made of stone

My flame is burning out now

Nightmares alone

There's a rain tonight falling from the sky

There's a liar's moon tonight

Dark side of night~                                                                  

hey universe...

sometimes you need to take a risk and throw it out there as hard as you can...this is the only way i know how -- alone, uncensored, free

so...here goes:

it would be a honor & privilege to contribute any writing to any script green day creates for american idiot--

i'm puttin' it out there....WAY OUT THERE~                         

DON'T MESS WITH THE MESS-AROUND...

take a group of genius musicians, add music that's so catchy you can't turn it off and you have stop, drop and roll!!! the soon-to-be new release from the internationally acclaimed band, the foxboro hot tubs

the hot tubs are a cagey lot that have produced a collection of subversively delicious bits of ear candy

the music may snag you at first -- but the lyrics kill on future listens~

the 60s are turned upside down -- like if you took the monkees 'the last train to clarksville' and redubbed it 'the last train to clarksville (before i blow my brains out)'...

don't be a sucker...pre-order here:

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Drop-Roll-Foxboro-Tubs/dp/B0015FHDRW

or download the 'b' side songs here:

http://www.foxborohottubsdownload.com/

where's my $600?

that's what i wanted to know standing in line at the bank the other morning...so, of course, i asked the teller outloud

the guy next to me said, 'i can tell you exactly when you're going to get your money...what are the last two digits of your social security number?'

'what are you, an accountant?,' i joked nervously -- 'yes, i am,' he replied -- i told him my digits, he said, 'may 10,'

now, at this point i'm a thinkin', 'how come the government is giving us this money, really?'

anywayzzz...if uncle sam has enough to give us non-money-having-people $600 WHOLE MORE DOLLARS U.S. then, at this point, again, i'm a 'thinkin we could probably get more, probably A LOT MORE --

i'm just really glad we're getting something for nothing! (cuz that happens every day!)

'member 3 years ago; we got like $300, right?

look, we got a raise~                                                                

SANCTUARY

my land is bare of chattering folk;

the clouds are low along the ridges,

and sweet's the air with curly smoke

from all my burning bridges.

                                                       dorothy parker~1931                                                                                     

tip of the hat...

to dan rodricks...

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/local/rodricks/blog/

the emperor's new clothes~

Many years ago, there lived an emperor who was quite an average fairy tale ruler, with one exception: he cared much about his clothes. One day he heard from two swindlers named Guido and Luigi Farabutto that they could make the finest suit of clothes from the most beautiful cloth. This cloth, they said, also had the special capability that it was invisible to anyone who was either stupid or not fit for his position.

Being a bit nervous about whether he himself would be able to see the cloth, the emperor first sent two of his trusted men to see it. Of course, neither would admit that they could not see the cloth and so praised it. All the townspeople had also heard of the cloth and were interested to learn how stupid their neighbors were.

The emperor then allowed himself to be dressed in the clothes for a procession through town, never admitting that he was too unfit and stupid to see what he was wearing. He was afraid that the other people would think that he was stupid.

Of course, all the townspeople wildly praised the magnificent clothes of the emperor, afraid to admit that they could not see them, until a small child said:

"But he has nothing on!"

This was whispered from person to person until everyone in the crowd was shouting that the emperor had nothing on. The emperor heard it and felt that they were correct, but he held his head high and finished the procession.                                                                                                    (for those who may not know, i didn't write this, that nod goes to hans christian andersen...niki)                                                                                                                                      

OK...I'M AN JERK

i've been getting a lot of shit in the last several days, personally and in print, regarding my characterization of some women at a bobby sherman concert in 1998...

i'm not retracting my comments--i will, instead, elaborate on my original observation for further clarification that i am not the anti-christ...'K?

(and, i will not print a picture of the women mentioned in my friend dan's column--go talk to him about it--)

these women i wrote of didn't need to lose 20, 30 or even 50 pounds, these were morbidly obese women who were pushing 400 pounds at least and it depressed me -- here were my peers, these 40-year-old women, and here they had let themselves fall into such a state of disrepair it was astonishing...and embarrassing to me for some reason -- i don't know where it comes from, but inherently, morbid obesity makes me angry...

trying desperately not to judge for a moment, i looked at these women with an overwhelming sense of melancholy as they clung to that chain-link fence screaming out for their idols...

for that wisp of time i imagined all of us there that evening as the 13-year-olds we had been: naive, vibrant, hopeful...

i got sad and mad and i dared to say said it out loud--

dissect it. analyze it. do what you will...i'm sure it's my problem not theirs -- they were at the concert just trying to have fun

most days i'm fairly compassionate and empathetic--however, i do have a terrible mean streak as the result of being mentally tortured by a very cruel father for, oh, 30 years or so-- (you gotta think fast and mean when you're a 4' tall kid facing down a 6' + man) -- i am not using that as an excuse, it's a fact and i've been working on modifying the bitch within for several years now...

to wit:

I AM SORRY IF I HURT ANY ONE'S FEELINGS--
(but getting on a treadmill and putting down the cinnabons isn't a bad idea either~)                                          

peace falls over the valley

( my brothers stole this poster off my wall just because they were being brothers )

in all my born days, i never thought i'd ever be embroiled over something as stupid as forgetting peter noone's name -- but that's what happened

happily, mr. noone and i have come to a mutual understanding regarding my bobby sherman story...

thank you mr. noone

'long live bobby sherman and all his creatures great and small~'