BOBBY SHERMAN

ok, wait...let me explain--

i was 13...13...and i loved bobby sherman--even now, i still have great affection for him

he was my teen idol! i had the posters, i had the records...everything

i saw him live at the shady grove music theater in gaithersburg, maryland in the early 70s, (although i couldn't hear a thing for all the screaming girls).

the jury may be out on his talent, but he seems like a good guy and, c'mon, he was very cute..come on, admit it! he is still a good looking man...

the autograph on the above photo i got when i was 40--

one sunday on the way to a gig, i heard that my teen idol, bobby sherman, was playing with davey jones, from the monkees, and that guy from the herman's hermits...i can't remember his name--in some kind of reunion show

it sounded bizzare; i had to go

taking a u-tour on the way to the gig, i went back home, got my bobby sherman fan club book circa 1972 and headed to the venue, pier 6, on the water in downtown baltimore. if you're from charm city you know that pier 6 is a place for those performers 'on their way up and on their way down...way down.' think spinal tap...

i walked to pier 6 and there, in front of a high, locked chain-link fence, were about 100 overweight, balding women waiting: waiting for bobby, davey and shit, what is that guy's name?!? NOONE -- RIGHT PETER NOONE!

mind you, these women have to be my age because we all have the same teen idols from the same time period--

unnerved by this revelation, i sat on my guitar case just as the tour manager opened the locked fence--he walked toward me and started making small-talk...after making a pass, i told him i'd accept his dinner invitation if he could get me bobby sherman's autograph -- which he did...

after dinner with tour guy in little italy, i felt he acted a bit inappropriately and so he was promptly deposited at his hotel--

later at home, asleep under my black eye shades, the phone rang...it was the tour dude, he was calling to make sure i knew that he was in possession of male genitalia...as in 'did i forget to remind you that i have a penis?'

i politely said good-bye, hung up the phone and put my black eye-shades on hiding from the world once again~

PEDESTRIAN?

i think not...

could you get more infectious or humble?

people, i implore you!

maybe it doesn't take a jesus but it sure takes a genius~

http://www.myspace.com/foxborohottubs

(it's so fun!)

(secret)

'where did you lose your virginity?'

he has a lot of nerve for a first date, she fumed.

'that's offensive; i don't even know you.'

'ah, lighten up. listen, the first time for me was in t

bethany allison

me...bethany
she is a faithful reader and an excellent artist~
hi bethany!

the perfect moment

you can dream about it, try to plan it, hope it will come true, all the time wondering...when?

and when it hits, it knocks you on your ass leaving only a memory to unravel and unravel...

you never know: maybe you've given someone their perfect moment~

MY COUSIN MARTY OPENED FOR THE BEATLES!

it's true...in 1966 my cousin marty's band, the cyrkle, opened for the beatles! marty's my mother's first cousin; you figure it out...i never know that shit

so, it's 1966 and my parents have tickets to see marty at r.f.k. stadium in d.c. -- marty!

it's wasn't even nighttime and my parents were
already back home

"what were the beatles like?!? did you see them? did you meet them?!?" i begged

they proceeded to tell me that after marty
played they left because it was too loud with all the girls screaming

no ticket stub
no program
no nothing

what the fuck! even at 7 i knew that was dead wrong...

the whole music thing never panned out for marty

but, i ask you, where do you go after you open for the beatles in your early 20's? anything's got to be a huge comedown -- and it certainly was for marty

we'd go out to dinner in the 70's with my uncle manny and his son, my cousin marty, in asbury park -- at every restaurant that had an unfortunate musician, my uncle manny would always ask if they could play red rubber ball -- the cyrkle's signature song (which was actually written by paul simon)

and every time marty cringed

i asked marty once, when i was older, if he'd ever met the beatles on that tour...he said they flew on the plane with the beatles -- the fab four were in the front of the plane, the press was in the middle and the opening acts were in the back

one night in chicago, the beatles held an audience with the cyrkle for about 10 minutes in the bowels of some massive arena -- that was it...

the sad thing is marty became a bitter, angry man who now looks down his nose at music altogether--the cyrkle never made any money
because they never wrote songs that were hits so that tour was really the end of their pop music career

he is so bitter that recently i sent him a cd of mine, something i composed and recorded, and he sent it back to me, unopened...

i think that about says it all for my cousin marty the bankruptcy attorney~

http://www.myspace.com/foxborohottubs

http://www.myspace.com/foxborohottubs

after being yelled at for going out the in door, she was disoriented. the dark room overwhelmed her; noises, bodies, smoke.

turning quickly, someone stopped her by their presence. who was this person mindlessly shuffling his shoes inside the door? she traced him from the bottom of those shoes to the top of his cap.

he turned his head deliberately, staring into her. she was startled, "who?!?" she thought, looking more closely.

her eyes jolted:

'holy shit, it's you!'

i blame this on pj

MY AUNT AND BARBRA STREISAND

my aunt linda was barbra streisand's understudy

in the musical funny girl in the 1960's

my aunt linda was good, really good--great even,

really great!

my aunt linda gave me the original cast recording

of funny girl when i was 7--i thought, 'i should learn

to sing like this lady,(la streisand), because she's

really good too!'

my aunt linda was on deal or no deal monday night

and, in her own aunt linda way, she stole the show--i can't remember a word howie mandel said (and...let's set the record straight: i don't have a t.v.: it's not a moral issue,

i'd sit in front of it all day...)

my aunt linda taught me how to outline

my skinny lips with a darker shade of lipstick

for that fuller look

my aunt used to teach how to sing

over the phone from her apartment

in nyc to my suburban nightmare in potomac, md

my aunt linda used to own a bar in

provincetown, massachusetts called the pied piper

my aunt linda is now becoming

the star she was always meant to be at 70...

as a late-bloomer myself, i tip my hat

(my aunt linda and i used to have the

same nose...i kept both halves~

love you aunt linda~)

http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/video/#mea=228472

HOMICIDE...LIFE ON THE STREET!!

this photo was taken at the wrap party for 'homicide...life on the street's' first season -- the show was shot exclusively in baltimore

this is jon polito and me--he's a funny guy and
wild actor...i visited his apartment on the pier in baltimore
one night that november of 1992 and he gave me a hounds tooth 1940s detective-kind-of-coat saying, 'honey it's gonna look fabulous on you!'

anywayzzzzzz...working in the wardrobe department
on the crew of homicide for that one month was easily
the worst job i ever had including that stint as a busgirl at the hot shoppes cafeteria in montgomery mall; 1975

let's just say there was an incident involving
ned beatty, a wife beater t-shirt and boxer shorts...

eliot we hardly knew ye...

eva

i've been cleaning, packing and, you know, generally deconstructing my life for the big move and i've come across some pretty weird stuff

like this old set list of eva's --

eva cassidy, that is

it's funny to see how casually we all took each other...

this was probably sitting on my desk while i was making a phone call to a guy named jose who lived near golden ring mall in baltimore--he was fixing my toyota pickup...

hi eva~

across the universe

i didn't move off my parent's black naugahyde couch

the week after john lennon was murdered

my head was next to the radio and i listened and cried

as other people cried and every station played beatles' songs

across the universe is just too long as a movie--

however, it is a brilliant, brilliant piece of genius

(i kept wanting to shut it off especially around the
1 hour 45 minute mark but i couldn't do it)

it's sort of like 30 of the greatest music

videos you've ever seen all strung together

in a clever, dramatic way...

she's so heavy alone could carry the entire film--

jesus christ!

the imagery is unfucking believable!

(again with the exclamation points?!?)

i'm taking the fifth on the hackneyed story line

because, the thing of it is, you can never get too much john lennon

love is all you need...

my snowy house

miss betty from across the street

took this pretty picture

about a month ago

my little

bungalow

tucked under the icy sycamore...

pop-pop the drug dealer

philip j. schnitzer circa 1930s

(aka 'pinky to his pals in asbury park, n.j.)

this is the 'little pop-pop'; my favorite of my two grandfathers. the other one, my dad's father, we called 'the big pop-pop' because he was fat.

my pop-pop was an eastside tenement jew who started out life selling rags on the streets of new york city. then he met these two guys, jack and charlie. they became fast-friends and went into the business of running liquor from canada to the u.s. during prohibition.

soon after, jack & charlie opened this cool little place that eventually became the "21" club.

jack & charlie gave pop-pop the exclusive rights to sell their "21" brands of liquor in new jersey. i'm sure that was something right out of the sopranos. at the time we lived near my grandparents in south orange, new jersey. my father moved us away to maryland because the constant flow of black limos pulling up and down my grandfather's street freaked him out.

now i'm moving; moving to california and i'm selling almost everything of value--(frankly, i'm sick of lugging half of this shit around from place to place).

one thing that's not making the trip this time is a little sterling silver christening cup the "21" club engraved upon the occasion of my birth.

below the engraved famous "21" iron gate are the words jack & charlie's "21" and my name underneath that -- niki lee albert, june 9, 1959 8 Lbs. 1 oz.

after some soul-searching i realized that i had dropped the last name, definitely knew when my birthday was and was tired of polishing the god damn thing when it tarnished.

thanks pop-pop for going out their on the edge to save enough money from your slap-ya-on-the-back liquor days to give me this house and my life. i still miss you even though it's been 29 years.

love, niki...

my life today

that's about it...

thanks dan rodricks

(he's got my back...)

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/local/rodricks/blog/2008/02/niki_lee_hates_the_word.html

i'm moving to los angeles...

PINHEAD VACATION

the troubadour, l.a. -- 2-04-08


"you're like one of those pigs that goes out and finds truffles," my friend mary kate commented regarding my trip to california from maryland to watch 3 semi-secret shows of the east bay punk band pinhead gunpowder.



hey, when you're a fan you're plugged in--



i had the most outrageous time: from getting scratched in the head by a rabid green day-hater to paying a some homeless dude $5, three doughnuts and a coke to keep an eye on my sweet p.t. rental...




not to mention the shows~

YEA!! (IT'S OVER)

writers guild founding member dorothy parker

comrade in arms

this is molly--

um...molly with billie joe armstrong

outside of the troubador in los angeles last monday night

she was 1st in line at 11 a.m. for
a p.m. pinhead gunpowder show --
and she was there with her cool mom, holly

molly and i met up again in berkely...
she called me in my hotel room at 10 a.m.
saying she was already in line outside
924 gilman street waiting for the pinhead gunpowder
show later in the afternoon -- this time she was
with her dad, chris, also very cool

by the way, billie joe armstrong is one of the members
of pinhead gunpowder...

molly and i were the first line of defense
against the 300+ crushing crowd that was
slamming us into the stage of the packed, black,
graffitti covered room that night

perhaps it's one of those 'you had to be there'
moments...but guess what? we were...there

destroying the myth: you can go home again

PINHEAD GUNPOWDER--924 GILMAN STREET BERKLEY, CA. -- FEB. 10, 2008

tickets: $6 at the door...cash only

PINHEAD GUNPOWDER

she's thought about not understood--she's achin to be
(i have my tickets for both shows!~)

January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968

he was 39 years-old on april 4, 1968...
39

ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES...EVER

i'm not sure how, but it happened one night can

be viewed for free on netflix

so if you got it, watch it

the writing, acting and directing

are timeless and clark gable is really, really handsome

(even if it is 1934)

it's one of the greatest screwball romantic

comedies ever produced...now scram, see~                                                                                                                           

SIRIUS & XM...WHY NO MERGER?

the merger of XM & Sirius

is being held up by

FEAR

FEAR of the big radio corporations losing money

and

FEAR of the TRUTH

the TRUTH is scarier...what if

we find out exactly why we're in IRAQ

what if we find out that we never

had an exit plan; that we're in IRAQ forever

we don't have osama because

i don't think there's any oil in afghanistan

otherwise we'd be bombing the shit out of them

OIL BABY, OIL -- it's what it's all about

OIL, you say niki, well then we

the people will benefit from

being where the OIL is, right?

wrong...gas companies are posting

record setting earnings this financial quarter

and strangely we the people are still paying

rising prices at the pump

i say this:

use less gas--

question authority--

and, say a little prayer for all

the soldiers fighting for our right

to drive our cars, fly our planes, get

our supplies -- you know, life~

THE WRITERS STRIKE

my great-grand uncle was once

president and chairman-of-the-board of

paramount pictures

it's true

barney balaban held not only

those positions, but he also pioneered

the idea of the 'air-conditioned' movie theater.

(and he owned an original copy of the bill of rights)

i used to revere him--

now, i'm embarrassed.

he did save paramount from bankruptcy, but

according to one of my heroes, frank capra,

barney balaban was not totally to blame for:

"starting hollywood's grand downward

glide, for he was a real-estate man hostage

to real-estate logic"

perspective -- it's what's for linner~                     

HOLLYWOOD AND ITS WRITERS

dorothy parker
founding member of the writers guild

i'm working on my green day movie and

someone says, 'this is a perfect opportunity to

take advantage of the movie business because

all the 'other writers' will be striking'

how silly--

i have to back my fellow writers in their

stand against getting shoddy compensation

for creating some of the greatest

works of our culture

anyone who thinks the words that

pout out of angelina jolie's lips are created

by ms. jolie is very, let's say misguided

in hollywood writers need actors and actors need writers

sort of like a fry cook needs a waitress

as much as a waitress needs a fry cook

their compensation, however...most times...miles apart

pick your jobs carefully--BUT ALWAYS

MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE JUSTLY COMPENSATED

STAY STRONG FELLOW WRITERS

'WHAT WOULD DOROTHY PARKER DO?'